16 Years Young

Just over sixteen years ago (16 years and 2 days to be exact!) my world became a better place and I was blessed with an amazing and adorable gift. My identity changed perceptibly the moment I was inaugurated mom. However, the role I have undertaken as parent has not been a fixed one. As my son has moved from one phase to another, my parental role has changed immensely. During these independence-gaining transitions I’ve had an influx, an ebb and flow, of happy and sad. Knowing that someday soon (too soon, I reckon) I will be a partial empty-nester!  And this is where I am today. Feeling forevermore proud of all that he has achieved in his 16 years young, but grieving the chubby cheeked, bluegrass dancing, yellowboot wearing, little boy. And it’s hard. Hard to feel as though I’m loosing just a teeny bit of myself and at the same time, feeling so much love and joy for who this amazing boy has become. So, I will choose the latter. Because to feel anything but excitement and happiness for his bright future would be a dishonor to him and all of the years we’ve spent growing, learning, and loving.

Spring break 2012

One of my biggest concerns about going on spring break with our college friends AND my children was that it wouldn’t be as fun. Why? Because. Because presenting drinking games and buzzed behavior to a tween and teen all weekend long seemed like a recipe for therapy. And so, without alcohol, would the weekend be (as much) fun? So many of the good times in my life—college years, parties, weddings, have been beer and wine soaked and I think, I know, I had come to assume that to really live, to really party, to really celebrate, one must imbibe.

Well, this spring break was the true test. We went to Colorado with some of our college friends and stayed at a gorgeous home right on the 4 O’clock trail in Breckenridge. We planned this trip many months ago and at first I thought it was an “adult only event.” So, when it turned kid-friendly, I contemplated forgoing booze, wondering if I really wanted to experience it without drinking. As Thursday approached, I grew more thoughtful about this one question rising to the surface of my consciousness: Will this be as much fun as our usual gatherings? 

You see, I knew this weekend would be about getting away and kicking back and having a good time. But this would be the first time that we would be tempted to party for 3 days straight! Sure, we have had house parties and BBQ’s. We’ve been to weddings and holiday parties. But this was different. This was college friends. A completely different mentality. Did I mention we went to WVU? I knew there would be plenty of drinking, Bloody-Mary-at-noon kind of drinking. I was excited and nervous wrapped into one. And I wondered how this would be for me, whether I would feel quiet, protective of my babies or awkward. I wondered how our friends would respond to my decision to drink less alcohol and more sparkling water. I wondered about a lot of things.

Shortly after we arrived on Friday, we began to catch up. About our kids of course. About our lives. About what we have been up to for the past year. Then it hit me. 2 of our friends were pregnant. Duh! Of course there would be others not drinking. Dumbest A-Ha moment I’ve had in a long time. And there it was, just like that. The confirmation I needed—this weekend would be just what I intended it to be. Fun without (much) alcohol. 

That was that and the weekend was underway. And it was a fantastic and fantastically fun weekend. We hung out and caught up. We slept in. We played Trivial Pursuit. Made s’mores, built a fire or two. We grilled amazing food and moved around the kitchen seamlessly as if we’ve lived together for years. We soaked up sunshine while skiing/snowboarding our hearts out. And we watched countless games of March Madness basketball. We had fun.

The nights were filled with story telling and reminiscing; the good, the bad and the ugly. There was some inappropriate but very funny commentary. And my boys got to see it all. 15 years worth of friendship wrapped around a large round table, filled with gut wrenching laughing (sometimes turning to tears.) Memories made new. Camaraderie. This was fun. 

And so I went to bed most nights smiling. I was smiling because my tummy hurt from laughing so hard. And I was reminded, keenly, that we can be young, young and wild and free, even when we are getting older. I was smiling because I realized, and powerfully, that a spirited existence has nothing to do with spirits. Wildness can exist without wine. 

This was, and is, major for me. I am a believer in living life to its fullest, in finding fun, in staying young. And to know that these things can be done, really done, without much drinking is a welcoming mindset.

And so. I want to thank eleven wonderful people and my handsome Husband for a tremendous and telling long weekend, a weekend where I felt embraced, aware and rejuvenated. Aware of simple and complicated things: joy, choices, time, growing, friendship—weaving nicely into this layered chapter in my life.

Cheers to life, sun fun and friendship.

New year; new thoughts

The end of the year has come and gone. The new year is here. Fast and Furious. And most of us have plotted and planned what 2012 might look like. We're picking words for our best intentions and at the same time we're looking back at the year behind us; reflecting on our proudest moments as well as those we let slip through our fingers.

I feel myself a little in limbo as I am looking both back and forward. I want to give the past year it's due respect; to fully honor it and make a mental note of how far I've come. How far my kids have come. And yet I am starting to plan for what Feb, March, even July will bring. Each month being a strong stepping stone to the next chapter; I want to be really ready for it.

With all that, I am recalling all the many seemingly two-sided debates we grapple with in our daily lives. Two sides of the story. Now or later. Empty or full. Sunrise or sunset. Inside, outside (or upside down.)

Or, sometimes. We prefer a happy meduim. Maybe these choices we wrestle with are more about striking a harmonious balance. Whatever your angle, there is no denying the many sides.

Cheers to a new way of looking at things today!